Quitting A has not been easy. I have tried three time to quit him; all failures. I quit him again last night. Lets hope I dont fall off the wagon again. (As I pick up my phone to see if I have any text messages.) I think its so hard for me because there isnt really one isolated incident of him doing something "wrong" or "bad". He just isn't around and doesn't call or text as much I would like.
Of course quitting A is vital now because, ironically enough, I am trying to replace him with Z. Z is here, in this very same state, great looking, insanely sarcastic, intense voice, kinda the midwest version of A, without the acne scars :(. I do not think Z is going to be easily obtainable however. We shared our first lengthy phone conversation last night, and it is now official that I really shouldnt answer the phone when Im tipsy. I made such a fool outta myself. I blabbered and made no sense, which is not too different than my everyday speech, except that I also had this incredibly annoying wine slur. I emailed Z this morning to apologize for my stupidity last night and of course I have received no email back. Prior to last night the emails were replied to within 30 minutes...its been 4 hours. I know he doesn't have school or work today so I am feeling a little hurt.
I think I am just looking too hard and therefore trying to hard which is making me appear to be a desperate turd. Whether I really am or not is questionable (and I am not really looking for an answer to that either). Its just that I am really into this guy (I call him one guy because they are pretty similar). Its been so long since I have actually really been interested in someone that to find two and fuck up both is just beyond me. Lets hope Z's computer isnt working and that is the reason for the lack of response.
Oh sweet baby Jesus, make it stop.
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