Im struggling right now with believing that people are generally good.
Bold statement.
(Even bolder that I actually admitted I believe that people are generally good. Wow that statement looks stupid all typed out too.)
Im naive. I pretend to be tough, and street smart (not hood smart) and act like things dont affect me, or like I dont care. The worst part is...I care more than just about anybody usually. I wear my heart on my sleeve and those who really know me know that about me. I guess that would be why people are constantly walking on me. I pretend like I dont realize it and just ignore the fact that they are because somewhere in my warped thinking I rationalize their behavior. "They dont know they are hurting me because I didnt tell them they were, so its really not their fault."
This kind of thinking has fucked me my whole life. I thought as I got older it would get better, people wouldnt be so cruel and self righteous. But as usual my thinking was wrong. Unfortuantely now the situations are more serious and although I speak up a little, I still manage to get hurt and let down regularly. I do not know how to fix it. Ok fine, I do, but I am not sure how to allow myself to speak up.
In my own defense, I have gotten rid of several of these people in life by just cutting them out (and avoiding the situation completely...Im a total vagina like that), but sometimes, there are people who, for whatever reason, I cannot get rid of due to circumstance. I do not know how to approach this situation. I feel like if I just ignore it I appear stupid and not weak and if I approach it I will appear weak because all I do is cry. (This has happened every single time I have tried to speak up for myself.)
Im hurting today. For nothing I did. I want to make it stop, but I cant. Im lost as to how to deal...I just needed to vent.
5 comments:
once you speak up that first time, it gets easier after that. but the first time will be hardest. if you want someone out of your life, it's best to use the band aid theory -- one quick motion, rip them right off!!
and fyi -- people suck, and always will. all you have to do is find one who doesn't, though.
Thanks lozo...
I like to think I have found several who dont suck. But then again...
I hate thinking people suck, I really do. And people I mean myself...I dont suck, right?
if you sucked, i wouldn't read AND comment. like, maybe i'd read and just say to myself, "god, this girl sucks." but i don't think you suck.
well, if you do suck, it's really important that you swallow too.
hey now, i didn't say *ALL* people suck, i just said people suck. i'd say it's about a 90-10 split on sucking-not sucking.
like i said, find people who don't suck. i think we're on the same page here.
I think I choose to good people, in fact, I think I choose great people...and in the past couple of years, I really have. I started a new life with new people and have been really happy...until recently.
I want to stand up for myself. I just need to stop the whole crying thing...
Thanks for your advice guys.
I love give the greatest behind-the-back dirty looks ever!!
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