20 Minutes...

Yeah ok wow...that was fun!

If you saw it...Im sorry.

If you didnt...consider yourself LUCKY!

Game off...for those you who think you know who this is...well...unless you saw the pic...YOULL NEVER KNOW!

See my Blogs Title.

I dislike the last week of the year. The reflective bullshit is well...bullshit. I dont want to think about how my last year could have been better or better yet, how I could have made it better. I really dont give a fuck. Overall: I ditched the boyfriend, kept a job, partied hard, got tons of ass, saved no money, gained 12 lbs, ate fast food weekly, worked out 17 times (total), went to Puerto Rico, lost an amazing friend, blew tons of money, got a new car, made a couple new friends, reacquainted with some old ones, found myspace.com, starting blogging...great year huh?

Onto some more fun stuff.

I got laid on Thursday and it was awesome. No seriously, it was awesome. I felt like a beat-up rag doll the next 2 days. Im not sure how it happened (WASTED-ness), but Ill be damed if it doesnt happen again. I have big plans with this guy for the new year. (No dating just humping.)

Here are my resolutions:
1) Humping a lot more with that guy!~
2) Drinking less
3) Finding a new job
4) Still not giving a Fuck
5) Going on vacation
6) Say "word" a lot....word.

Sorry I suck today more than usual.

***I also updated "whatthefuck" for the 2 of you that read that.***

Im loser baby.

Random Thought Day

1) I am cooler than the following:
1) A man in a fanny pack.
2) DJ Tanner
3) Busch Light
4) Snowmen Sweaters
5) Staplers

2) I am not cooler than the following:
1) Brownies
2) Boner from Growing Pains
3) A wrench
4) Highlighters
5) Any 3 of Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor's Kids

3) If I were to play dodge ball right this minute, I would really suck at it. My game would be way off today because my head would not be in it.

4) I miss the way my skin looked before the Back-ne. JUST KIDDING...ewww Back-ne. I just wanted to type Back-ne.

5) Floor hockey is a kick ass sport.

6) I love raspberries. I could eat them every single day. They are delcious and I wish I had more.

7) I want an Oompa Loompa as my best friend/pet/slave. Or a little person aka MIDGET. I would buy him a baby pool and fill it will plastic balls so he could have his own at home chuck-e-cheese style ball pit.

8) Fanny Packs look really cool on guys. NOT.

9) I wish saying NOT after everything was still rad. OOOOH Rad...I love that word too.

10) NOT! Just wanted to do it again.

11) I really enjoyed the musical stylings of WHAM. Ok fine, I just think, "wake me up before you go (g0)" was hilarious. Did they have any other songs? Those two whacky fellas dancing around so un-homo like on the stage in their pro choice shirts...whatever happend to the other guy???

12) Im kind of a big deal.

14) Why is it that every song on the radio relates to my life in one way or another? I hate that. (FU "Shake your Laffy Taffy" homies)

15) I wish Lionel Richie would write "Dancin on the Ceilin II". Seriously one of the best tunes ever!!!!

16) Yellow Starbursts are the best ones.

17) I make bad choices but have the best time making them.

18) I havent cleaned my room in like 2 months. OMG...that is so gross. I am a nasty nasty individual.

19) Hence and nor are not used enough. I love the word hence...hence it being listed as random thought 19.

20) I am really a pretty bad-ass broad. Even though I think that bajiggity is a cool word.

21) I love DMB even though it is considered "un-cool" and lame to like them. I still love them...older stuff of course.

See Previous Post's Title..

So Ive been down for a few days now trying to do the "whole sorting stuff out in my head" act and let me tell you that sorting is crap. Every time I make a nice neat pile of stuff, another zillion thoughts come racing into my head causing pure chaos and making me feel even worse than I did before.

So I decided to follow in the footsteps of my blogging buddy...eazy...and do a FUCK YOU post of my own.
***************************************************************************
1) FU - Drew for being the man I always wanted you and needed you to be...AFTER we broke up.

2) FU - S for being a liar about some situations in your life that have caused me to question you as a friend and as a person in general. I pretend to your face that Im on "your side" when in reality I know you have lied about worse...so whatthefuck? FU FU FU.. for not allowing me to trust you.

3) FU - Chocolate for being so damn delicious.

4) FU - Holidays for just sucking the life out of me and forcing me to care about people that right now I want to despise.

5) FU - Milk. I just hate milk.

6) FU - **** BFF for making me think you were not only my friend, but someone I could trust. FU too for doing what you did with me RIGHT THERE. FU FU FU FU. FU for making me like/not like/like/not like you...what should I do now because obviously that pattern doesnt seem to be working???

7) FU - McDonalds for serving up such a delicious breakfast.

8) FU - Govn't for not allowing McDonalds to serve breakfast all day long for fear of McDonalds taking over the world with their deliciousness (yeah I know your conspiracy).

9) FU- Chicago Bears for sucking so bad on Sunday and bringing sadness to those of us who love you. :(

10) FU - Clock for only being 4:00.

11) FU - Myspace for taking up infinite amounts of my time and forcing me to become a myspace head.

12) FU - Snow and salt for fucking up the bottom of all my work pants.

14) FU - 13 for being an unlucky number.

15) FU - Booze...no wait...I Love you.

16) FU - Bozo for freaking me out in the mornings when I was a little kid.

17) FU - Arizona for being hot all year long.

18) FU - Tail light for being broken after I knocked you into a garbage can, costing me $200

19) FU - To people who laugh at people less fortuante and treating them as if you are better than them. I really despise you.

20) FU - to me for being stupid and silly and writing pure crap.

21) FU- D. You made me want to be with you and now you are taking it away. FU for being smart.

F*ck me? No, F*ck You.

Im struggling right now with believing that people are generally good.

Bold statement.

(Even bolder that I actually admitted I believe that people are generally good. Wow that statement looks stupid all typed out too.)

Im naive. I pretend to be tough, and street smart (not hood smart) and act like things dont affect me, or like I dont care. The worst part is...I care more than just about anybody usually. I wear my heart on my sleeve and those who really know me know that about me. I guess that would be why people are constantly walking on me. I pretend like I dont realize it and just ignore the fact that they are because somewhere in my warped thinking I rationalize their behavior. "They dont know they are hurting me because I didnt tell them they were, so its really not their fault."

This kind of thinking has fucked me my whole life. I thought as I got older it would get better, people wouldnt be so cruel and self righteous. But as usual my thinking was wrong. Unfortuantely now the situations are more serious and although I speak up a little, I still manage to get hurt and let down regularly. I do not know how to fix it. Ok fine, I do, but I am not sure how to allow myself to speak up.

In my own defense, I have gotten rid of several of these people in life by just cutting them out (and avoiding the situation completely...Im a total vagina like that), but sometimes, there are people who, for whatever reason, I cannot get rid of due to circumstance. I do not know how to approach this situation. I feel like if I just ignore it I appear stupid and not weak and if I approach it I will appear weak because all I do is cry. (This has happened every single time I have tried to speak up for myself.)

Im hurting today. For nothing I did. I want to make it stop, but I cant. Im lost as to how to deal...I just needed to vent.

To You, my dear.

***Ex boyfriend found my blog today!!! Here is a little letter to him***

Dear Ex Boyfriend _________ , (<3My baby! I like to keep this annonymous, but you know who you are<3)

Im horny and I want to get fucked bad.... (You know how I get ;)

I want it hard and I want it soft.
I want it slow and I want it fast.
I want to get pounded.
I want my hair pulled and my back bit. (You know how I LOVE that)
I want to be licked and I want to lick. (You know how we do it...)
I want to scream and moan and talk dirty. (Im your little slut remember?)
I want to ride, I want it from the back, I want it in the shower and I want it on the floor. (Remember the shower??)
I want to taste you...and then myself.

But most importantly...and here is the best part my love...
I dont want it from you.

Have a good day.
Love,
Me <3

What was I thinking?

Whoever invented the game Edward 40(oz.) Hands is a fucker (and a slight genius). Whoever has played this game is a gigantic moron. Include me in the latter.

Ok so Edward 40(oz.) Hands is ridiculous. My friends and I literally duct taped 2 King Cobras to our hands and drank them as fast as possible. (Think 50 - 55 minutes) The point you ask? Since your hands are taped to the 40 ozs it is virtually impossible to do much of anything...especially tinkle and smoke...and anything else you like to do when your drunk. Plus, according to the rules, you arent allowed to do any of that. (Oh yeah, this is a serious game, look it up on the internet, you'll find all sorts of shit on it.) Basically the purpose is to get you really drunk, really quick. The problems? Besides the obvious King Cobra choice of 40 oz (we're broke) and the concept itself, the game didnt get me drunk, it got me sick.

I was so full after drinking this shit that I laid on the bathroom floor for 2 hours...2 hours! Finally after I couldnt take laying on the bathroom floor anymore I moved the party to my friend's bed where I laid for about 20 minutes until I finally hurled 9 times into a nifty bucket. (I was the only girl playing this game and took second!!! So at least my puking wasnt for nothing!)

After hurling, I took the garbage can into my friends shower, washed it out (and the shower), and got myself ready to go out. Yep, I still managed to use a flat iron for my hair (didnt burn my forehead either) and put all of my make up on and not look like a hooker. Well I got to Cubby Bear, watched a terrible band play, and decided that my stomach could not take the water I was drinking, let alone the smoke, bar smell, and the sweaty wang smell of the dude standing behind me. His jeans were too tight and the boys were sweating something fierce, unless that was just his body odor...yuck. Unfortunately for me, my senses were heightened due to the barf attack and the bar and I were just not able to play together.

I felt bad because I met my girls there and just sucked, but they understood and I got some mad props for playing and conquering "Edward 40(oz.) Hands". Barfing is to be expected during the game and I waited til I was done playing!

I learned a couple lessons from this experience:

1) Malt Liquor is best left on the shelf.
2) Drinking 2 King Cobras in 50 minutes is do-able...but I dont want to do it again.
3) Im a bitch drinker.
4) And finally, the next time I play (Oh yeah, Ill totally play that game again, it was money) I want either a budlight 40 or a...well just a budlight 40.
5) Oh and one more thing, I really need to eat before I play again, 2 chocolate chips cookies are not sufficient enough to play that game on.

Skip This...Really...Im Ridiculous.

Since its Friday and my brain is still only half working from my insane ritual of getting obliterated on Thursday nights (til 4am) I decided that my disconnected thoughts need a home. Disconnected thoughts please meet Home (blog).

1) Ah, the age old question, "Why is the (work) week 5 days and the weekend only 2?" Thats bunk. (That's right I said bunk.) I dont get it. Couldn't we have found a happy medium and gone 4/3? I guess though that I would still be bitching if it was 4/3...its just not fair dammit. (The joke is on them though because technically my brain is only at work 4 days outta the week and I still get paid for 5...bitches.)

2) Why did I have to wear my scarf today? It sharted all over my black shirt leaving me looking like a serious cat lady.

3) Why do I insist on smoking a ton of cigarettes when Im drunk? Ok, this thought isnt really disconnected because I know the answer...BECAUSE I LOVE THEM.

4) Why do I insist on pre-tending to be a non-smoker? I smoke enough when I drink to count for the whole week. In my pathetically lame defense: I dont smoke during the day or sans drink. Apparently I just became one of "those people".

5) Is it weird that I love to pee? Nothing sexual, I just like the release...hmmmm...could be sexual...weird

6) Why do I care who reads my thoughts? I do...its sad. I just want to be heard. Yes, I have friends and family.

7) Yummm....I love condiment sandwiches. Some A1 on two pieces of white bread...maybe some open pit...those sandwiches are the shit.

8) Im incredibly shy in bed. Im so worried about pleasing the other person that I tense up and forget what the point of sex is. (Unless Im tanked)

9) I can eat a whole frozen pizza by myself. And still be hungry. (Nope Im not obese.) I didnt get to take a lunch today.

10) I obsess over the way I look so that I look as if I dont obsess.

11) I need to buy new underwear...I dont do laundry...hardly

12) I wish cell phones were never invented.

14) Im superstitious. (That word took me forever to spell)

15) Why am I more afraid to love than I am to die.

16) Why did I just have the frightening image of my friend and I drunk pyscho dancing in her car last night in the bar parking lot for 20 minutes before we went in? Nice.

17) When I drive and Im listening to a good song, I pretend Im "the girl" in the video or like the lead , gorgeous, sought-after, good girl character in a movie. I even play back things in my mind slow-mo as if someone could actually see my thoughts...well duh...I mean...people are watching me in the video or movie and the camera can always flash back to my thoughts...DUH.

18) I never liked ace ventura pet detective. I thought it was ridiculous and only pretended to enjoy that movie because everyone else did. And the second one...just shoot me now.

Ok I need to stop, I realize this could go on forever...I have to like do... something.