You F'in Know It

I love my life.

I really, really do.

I may bitch and moan like a motherfucker (I am a Jew ya know) but I am in love with my life.

I woke up on Sunday and had NO idea where I was. I literally jumped out of the bed I was in and found my shirt, shoes, belt, jewelry and socks in a small, but neat pile on the floor. Then I hear, "Hey you." Before I even turn around I realize where I am and grin from ear to fucking ear. I think to myself "You really did it this time lady. Nice work. PS...you ROCK" Sure enough, I turn around and there D is, shirtless, lying in the same bed I was just in, right next to the spot I had just evacuated so hastily.

All I can do is smile at him, pull my top back on, and exit stage left to the washroom to see what kind of state I am and assess the situation. I am pleasantly surprised to see that I actually look kinda cute still. My eye make-up is in tact (it didnt prostitute itself all over my face) and my hair is still perfectly in place. Uh-oh...we didnt do it. DAMN! I grab some toothpaste, put a line on my finger and ghetto brush. Slam some mouthwash and sit down to pee.

I take that back...about the doing it thing.
I sat down and felt some serious pain...my whole body was aching. (HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!) Excrutiating pain. I finish my business. Slam some more mouthwash and walk back into his room. He has this, "yeah I just fucked the shit outta you, you dirty little slut" smile on his face.

"Ready for round 4?" Oh. My. God. Round 4? Holy shit, I dont even remember 1, 2, or 3 and he is wanting a round 4? No wonder my body was hurting so bad. So I get all girl on his ass and am like, "Ummmm....I have to go." Why did I do this? WHY DID I DO THIS? I really cant answer that. Im embarassed because its him and because I have been wanting him for soooo long (YEARS) and because I was wasted when we slept together and I dont remember a damn thing.

So I get my little pile of stuff together and proceed to leave his apt. I get downstairs, get a cab, and go to my car. I suddenly remember I had been out with a friend, S. What the hell happened to her??? I grab for my cell in my purse and have 8 missed calls from her and 4 missed calls from D. I call her back and she is hysterical. I mean she cant even get a word out. So I start freaking out: "Whats wrong...ohmygod are you ok? Where are you? What happened last night?" She cant even talk she is so hysterical. Then breathlessly she stammers out...You...Idiot.

This is when I realize she is laughing. "What do you mean Im an idiot? What the fuck?"

More laughter.

Beep...other line.

Its D.

"Hello?"

"Yeah ummm...S was passed out right on the couch and you just left her ass here. I think you should come back and pick her up." No way. I HAVE TO GO BACK??? So I get in my car and drive to D's place. I park my car in his garage, and go back in to grab S. When I get up to his place I smell french toast and I see S sitting there in her skank tank and a pair of his basketball shorts stuffing her black-tear stained face with food. D is no where to be found...he is in the shower. I can make a clean get-a-way. But no....S wants to eat. Fuck. I owe her for totally forgetting about her so I rigidly sit down on the edge of the couch anticipating his return.

Shortly he walks out with just a towel on, stops in the hallway, looks at me and motions for me to come into his room. Being the girl that I am, I want to know what he wants...so I follow his lead. I tell S "Ill be right back" and go to his room. He shuts the door behind me and grabs me by my waist. He kisses me. (Ok, I thought I already made it clear that I did not want to sleep with him again, not like this at least.) "I have been wanting to kiss you for years. You are so fucking cute and sweet."
WHAT? Didnt he kiss me last night?

"Didnt you kiss me last night?"
"Nope" And again he smiling from ear to ear.
"What??? Shut up."
"I didnt. In fact, I didnt do anything and neither did you."
Oh. My. God. What the fuck. "What were you talking about then...round 4?"
"You puked 3 times last night. You were smashed. You fell down the stairs at the bar and landed on your ass. They were going to kick out of the bar and that is when you called me to come pick you and S up. When we got back here I took your shoes, belt (it was over my shirt), socks, and jewelry off and put you into my bed. I asked if you wanted stuff to sleep in but you said no and passed out."
"Seriously? Why was my shirt off? What did I say to you?"
"You took your shirt off in the middle of the night because you 'couldnt stop sweating' you were hilarious when you jumped up and shouted it, you passed out right after too. You just kept saying thank you over and over and over again. You mumbled a lot too."
The rest is mushy stuff....

I LOVE MY LIFE.

Only I would automatically assume I fucked someone....because well...I would have. And only I would be dissapointed that it didnt actually happen. (Well Kinda...I would like to have remembered it.) I definitely won't rule it out happening in the future, but he is relationship material and Im not ready for that.

But I got a good make-out session (after he gave me a toothbrush) and even got some of my own french toast.

HOO RAH!