So ummm yeah, its been a while.
Things have been fucking insane and Im not sure where to even start.
I guess Ill start out with the fact that I am pretty damn happy to be alive. I didnt have some sort of rockin ephiphany (god, Im drunker than i thought...trying to type that word sucked, and Im sure its still not correct) I basically got into a crazy bad car accident and well...am happy to be alive.
Short version:
I was taking a left through a yellow light on my way to work and an old man smacked into the passenger side of my car. It has been up in the air for the past week whether or not it was totalled...its not and now I am going to have to wait a month for my car to get is $10,000 worth of damages fixed. Had the mutha fucka hit my side I would have...well lets just stop there.
I am ok. My back and neck are jacked up like mad but the window that came crashing down on me did no harm to me at all so things could definitely be a lot worse. Im pretty happy that I had almost completed the turn because had I not, the 180 I did would have forced me to go into oncoming traffic.
I have been a thinking a lot...and no need to share those deep, boring thoughts...so lets bring this to my current drunk thoughts...
Why do girls suck? I seriously find myself ashamed more often than not to be a woman. I canont believe how fucking ridiculous some (not all) ladies are. I stepped on some girls foot tonight and I immediately gave her a sincere apology. (The bar was fucking packed and she wouldnt move out of the way after I said excuse me twice.) She turns to me and says "you should be". I poured my drink down her leg after that. Cooter.
Strapless bras. Honestly...those suck as hard as that Cooter did. I spent all night tugging at it to readjust my boobs. Do they make strapless bras to fit girls who have real boobs over a size C? Just wondering.
Granola bars are not excellent drunk food.
Flamin' Hot Cheetos are.
How come no one plays Yolanda on the radio anymore? Awesome jam.
Why does Pour Some Sugar on Me instantly make every single girl in a bar an insta-whore?
Mexican grindage? No bueno.
Sauce sandwiches rock with a side of those Flamin' Hots.
I love smoking so much when Im hammered. I will not love it tomorrow.
Why does the cop from the accident keep calling me? I dont want to go to his house in Lake Geneva with him. Hes older than my mom and I have yet to return any one of his calls.
"Havent you people ever heard of, closing the god damned door. No." Fucking stupid song stuck in my head.
Those little shorts are hot...on skinny girls. Fatties...stop. Please. YUCK!!!!!
My hair looked wicked awesome tonight. Until the serious sweating started.
Im pretty. Yep I said it. Im drunk. Im stupid. And a liar. Soooo not pretty. Cute though..definitely cute.
How come I never get cut off? Does anyone ever listen to the words that actually come of my mouth after I have drank too much.
God Bless and goodnight.
