Craziness

So lately I have been living the life that I promised myself I would never live...a boring one. I have pretty much been working a ton, watching some tv, and going to bed with the rest of the geriatrics. But I decided (due to some unexpected dirty text messages yesterday) that I need to stop letting "the man" (actually the asian, russian and the brand new lazy eye aka my bosses) control my time. I signed up for 9am-5pm and Ill be damned if it will be any longer than that.

So this weekend things are looking ok. I have already arranged to meet up with an old friend who I have not seen in like 3 years. I dont know where this kid came from, maybe he is just as hard-up as me, but those texts got my panties all bunched and ready to come off.

My only concern with my friend is that my taste in men has changed considerably since I dated (humped) him for like 2 months in college. He was not the best looking guy (borderline ugly) back then but then again I had low self esteem and lots of booze not to mention the newly obtained freshman-junior year 30 lbs. But now, Im looking better, feeling better, and trying not to be such a lush. I have definitely dated (humped) hottness since him and I dont know if I could back to the pity party that is him. I guess I will just have to wait to see what happens. Maybe he will be super hot? Maybe that is just wishful thinking...

On a much more depressing note:

My admirer never came forward and stopped after the panties. WHATTHEFUCK is that??? Honestly, I was pretty upset when I did not receive anything on Valentines Day to reveal who my admirer was. Who does that? I even wore the panties in hopes that I could show the lady that I appreciated her gift. Damn her. Im never falling for a bitch like that again. Ok fine, I didnt fall for her, but I was definitely curious. What an evil trick.

Bitches, cant live with em, love when they give you panties.

Dang

Sweep the leg.

Damnit I am still alive and still loving the cock.

My job has been kicking my ass as has the carpet shopping with my mom.

I promise to return soon with some average, as usual, posts.

In the incredibly creative words of Russell Simmons
"God bless and goodnight."

Enough Said.

Bleh.

Hi my name is You Wish and I am a myspace addict.

No, I am not ashamed to admit this.

This admission, in fact, brings me to latest annoyance.

What is with the whiny bitches who have been posting/crying for weeks about Valentine's Day? Oh and by the way, the bitches I am referring to are the guys of myspace. (You can say whatever you want about how lame and gay myspace is, but a lot of my real life friends are on there and they all do not suck. I am not stating a very good case here am I?)

As if that kick to the groin of the male species wasnt bad enough. These alleged men (not so much my real life friends, but most likely someone else's real life friends) post these "Valentine Applications" for prospective Valentine's to fill out. These are not exactly Johnny Coolguys and have never and will never need to sort through the ladies with an app. So I ask this; why? These guys are forcing me to lose all faith in the male gender. Do men really carry the same "crazy" gene as women? Or, are they just late-bloomers into the world of pathetism regarding this ridiculous excuse for a holiday?

I can understand the little high school girls that cry out for Valentine's Day attention. (All of them do.) It isn't the fact that really give a shit about the "holiday" they just want to walk around school with with their balloons, roses, cards, candies, teddy bears, whatever lame-o shit makes the ladies happy these days, and throw their shit in other bitches faces. "Yeah thats right wenches, some guy 'luvs'/<3's me and not you and that just means that I am better than you."

College ladies as well, although not quite as obsessively and really only the ladies that live in the dorm have my excuse for going insane around this holiday. They want the goodies delivered to their room to again throw in the faces of the doubters/haters/"friends" that someone fucking "loves" them. (My mom was the coolest, she would send me flowers and gifts with a random guys name on it so I would be the envy of the lovely ladies on floor 14 - I lived in the all girls dorm - and when we werent walking around naked touching eachother we would talk shit behind eachothers back. Duh.) We essentially used this day as big "FUCK YOU BITCHES" and that is about it. Love/Guys was never the actual subject regarding why we cared about this day.

I am not one of those single bitter bitches who hates Valentine's Day. In fact, I think its kinda fun. I love getting the obligatory grandma, mom and brothers cards and I have all the more reason to enjoy chocolate (and not feel bad due to the fact that someone else bought the chocolate, not me). I am just confused as to why, especially as I grow older, males are becoming more bitch-like regarding this holiday. Maybe there is no answer and it's only a few guys who are ruining the definition of a male. Whatever the case may be...they are really starting to annoy me.

Stop crying people. Its a fake day. If you are single, consider it a blessing...you dont have to waste your money on more crap.

Boobs.

Drum Roll Please....

Roses yesterday...pink ones.

I know for sure this person is in my office/office building because I got nothing over the weekend at my home. I still have no idea who this broad is, but Im pretty sure Im falling in love with her...or the fact that she buys me stuff. Whatever, its all the same superficial game. (Im going to love someone for their looks or their money...isnt that what "love" is.) Ok enough of that garbage.

I hope my next gift is a vibrator because let me tell you, no broad can have enough of those.

So Loz, Im sorry...no girl on girl booby stuff...yet.

Which brings me to boobies...
I am incredibly irate with mine right now. I know I know I know...every girl that has boobs doesnt want them and every girl that doesnt have 'em wants 'em. I am lucky to have a pretty sweet rack. They aren't too big and not too small. They look great in clothes and produce some mad cleave that is wicked (god, I wish I was from Boston) hot. However, they suck as of late.
******
So, I have decided to actually start working out again which is amazing because I forgot how much I actually enjoy beating the hell out of myself. Its not so much a vanity thing for me, although I'd be lying if I said it wasn't nice, as much as it is an awesome stress reliever. Due to this working out stuff my body is changing, slimming down a little, firming up more, inches are being tossed aside and weight is being dropped. Boobies tend to lose weight when this happens as well.

Not my fucking boobs. Nope. Mine, if you can believe this, are actually getting a little bigger. They are sore and pouring out of my bra.

Not getting my period.
Not pregnant.
Not working out my chest.
Not taking an weird-o pills.

There is no reasonable explanation for this. I am 24 years old and have been a 34D since I was 19...weren't they supposed to stop growing around that time? What is happening to me?

I am feeling like the Incredible Hulk. I cant even wear half my work shirts to work because the buttons look like they are going to freakin' explode. Yes, this would normally be cool for most girls, but when you already have big boobs, this is not cool, not cool at all.

Good Rant.

Life is good.

Just because I rock doesnt mean Im made of stone.

I love my life. I dont say that enough, but today I love my life.

Its a girl/lady/woman/lesbian who wants to get on me. Yep...my life is worth living today...this girl/lady/woman/lesbian tucked a pair of red panties (unused thank god) bikini style- with a pink heart in my car door handle.

The note attached read - "Enjoy Love-" Totally girls handwriting in a purple gel pen.

Uh. Muh. Gawd. AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME....AWESOME.
Its obviously someone I work with...which makes me a little sick...not because the person woo-ing me has a vagina...because the women I work with are gross. Unless its a broad in the building. I often stop to chat with the other luscious ladies in the building (me technically being the only one classified as luscious). This is still no good though...no hot ladies...no good looking ladies...a couple average....a few a little below...and the trolls. Please dont be a troll.

I hope its the blonde downstairs, she is Cincinatti Bengal at least (great uniform, ugly helmet).

I cant help but wonder what I will do if it does turn out to be a hot chick. Well first off I will feel even more awesomer (I dont care if that is not a word, it is now) if that is possible than I do right now. Then I will definitely take her out for some drinks for showering me with kisses and panties. Then I will drop her off at her house....and then what? I dont know how into I am with this whole experimenting with the same sex thing. Sure Ive done the sloppy girl-on-girl drunk kisses and the triple kisses like every other classy college girl...and of course the obligatory picture titty and ass grabs...but thats about it. I cant imagine much more. Ok fine, Id play with boobies because I think boobs are cool (they carry the same amount of fun as balls). That is really it though.

Oh whatever...who cares about the technicalities...A GIRL LIKES ME! (Again.)

Oh you know this.

From a far can I see my car as I walk towards it to leave for lunch and I as I get a little closer I notice all these pink dots all over my back and side window. Ok I know I did not leave the house this morning with pink shit all over my car so I pick up the pace and speed walk to my car only to find that the little pink dots were not dots at all but...and this is off-the-chain-whack...kisses. It looked like someone had made love to my car. (Immediately "get outta my dreams and into my car" starts playing in my head...LOVE THAT SONG!)

Now I think this is hilarious and all but what the hell does this mean? Could this be my second chance at a girl date? As some of you may recall in the previous blogs, "Girl on Girl Action" (http://feisty610.blogspot.com/2005/11/girl-on-girl-action.html) and "Girl on Girl II" (http://feisty610.blogspot.com/2005/11/girl-on-girl-ii.html) the ladies love me. I think its awesome. I love that the ladies and gents both want to fight over my goodies. (Ok so I am taking things a bit far with that statement, but I think its rad.) Babes, there is plenty of me to go around. (If you have a penis mostly.) My goodies, of course, belong to the wang but the pootie holds mystery for me. To be perfectly honest though, I am not so sure I will willing to solve that mystery. Anyway, I have been sitting at my desk since 1:00 dying to know who loves me enough to kiss (possibly hump) my vehicle. This person (and I do hope its a girl with the lipsticky kisses, a man with lipstick may freak me out a little (a lot)) needs to come forward because boobs or pecs...Ill be their Valentine.

Smooches!

what a girl wants

"What do you want in a boyfriend?"

This question has plagued me for like 3 days now. (Damn you Mark for asking this ridiculous question.)

What do I want in a boyfriend?
Well here is what I come up with thus far.

*I want someone who is going to leave me-the-fuck-alone when I have a bad day. I dont want a pity-party and I usually dont want to talk about it. I want to have a drink, relax, and watch tv (and probably do it to get my frustration out).

*I want a man who does not try to solve all my problems. Half the fun of my life is making mistakes and then trying to fix them. I like to find my own solutions. Sure, Im wrong...a lot (and I will always admit that) but I dont mind being wrong so fuck off with your Oprah-wise crap that your ex g/f tried to teach you.

*I realize people take things from previous relationships, good and bad. I dont care what your ex g/f tells you, if I dont like something you do (for me that is), then I DO NOT LIKE IT...I dont give a shit if she did. If your ex likes her toes sucked, thats rad, I personally do not, so dont tell me what Im missing, just say, "thanks for not making me suck on your toes, you rock". What is right for her may not be right for me.

*I do not like to cuddle. (This also applies to PDA "Public Displays of Affection"- unless Im drunk.) Do not even think about touching me when I fall asleep, Im not into that. I like my own space. If I wake up in the morning and your arm is around me and Im sweating be prepared to be knocked out. (Ok fine, once in a great while I like to cuddle, but I will let him know beforehand that it is ok.)

*I want a man who is secure in who he is and does not care who or what my exes were. Bad mouthing them only makes you look like a complete chatch. (You never met them and I do not need to tell you anything about them if I do not want to.)

*I want to a man who is somewhat spontaneous. I want to go do random things. I like partying and getting drunk, but sometimes, I want to go to a concert or go apple picking...or something different. (Apple picking...right.)

*Great smile.

*Independent.

*I need a man who gets along with his family. I realize that not everyone likes their family, but my family is very close (Jewishclose), Id like to be with someone who is close with his family as well, its just a nice thing.

*A man with an average (or slightly larger) penis. Too small and too big are just whack. Too small does nothing for me in the sack...too large gives him the constant right to discuss it (this discussion does get annoying believe it or not) as well as hurt my pootie.

*I want a man who is educated. That doesnt mean I want a man who is a genius or brilliant, a college degree or even vocational degree/certificate (whatever it may be) is sufficient.

*Must love dogs. Yep that movie sucked but I am going to always have a dog so he better like dogs.

*Most importantly I want a man who respects me. If we argue, chalk it up to a difference of opinions, not an opportunity to name call or attack my insecurities. I will fuck you up in the name calling department if you even try...trust me.

Thats really all I have thus far. I dont think I ask all that much. But then again, men are entitled to have what they want and I may not be the type of girl that a lot of men want. Im going to think more about this and add to it later...

Pass on this one...no good. I said no good.

The lack of "cool" bars in my town and surrounding area has finally caught up with me. For the 2 years I have been back from college I have coasted through these bars with my pompous "I was cooler than you in high school" aire and have always missed by a day or even an hour those run-ins that would definitely bring me back down to earth and bitch slap me into reality. This is not to say that I am bitchy or snobby or anything close to that, I am just aware that people know me and judge the hell outta me and are dissapointed when they see that I am not fat nor ugly and pretty successful. These people want to hate me and yet they cant seem to get enough of me. Ok fine, they cant seem to talk enough about me.

With all that said, this all came to a crashing halt the other night and I was dealt a pretty big blow.

Im out with a friend and we decide to go to one of the two "cool" Thursday night bars, we are aware that we are going to run into "everyone" so of course, we look better than we would lets say on...a Wednesday or even a Friday sometimes. We have a couple drinks before we leave and head over to the bar. We got to the bar just after the crowd and basically walked into our highschools 1998 - 2001's class reunions. It was insane. We give our hugs and have our "so what are you up to now?" and "its so great to see you" and the always popular "you look so great" conversations. Just as I am settling into my fourth drink "Weasel" (yes he really goes by that) informs me that "your boyfriend is coming here".

"Who is my boyfriend?" At this point Im a little buzzed so my heart starts beating really fast because "my boyfriend" can mean 1 of 3 things: my ex boyfriend is coming to the bar, a guy I used to crush on was coming to the bar or a guy I cant stand is coming to the bar. Im hoping its option 2 (I was looking pretty damn good that night.) Long story short...an ex of mine. No big deal. Him and I are still really good friends and see eachother pretty often.

So Dan (an ex) gets to the bar and takes a seat next to me. Nothing at all out of the ordinary. A bunch of us start taking shots and things are going great. My girl friend and I get tanked (with the rest of our "friends") and life as I knew it in that moment was perfect.

My friend and I decide to go dance (we are wasted) and go to the dance floor. Basically her and I are sloppy drunk whitegirl-grinding/convulsing/dancing and ignoring any creature that attempts to dance on us. (Unless the creature was someone we knew.) Well, Dan (who is a total punk guy) is just drunk enough that to him too dancing appears as if it is a good idea. So Dan and I are dancing and all of the sudden I am pulled back by this...force I suppose....

I turn around to see who is pulling me back and TA-DAAAAAAAAAAA its Drew, my most recent ex. Now Dan has never seen nor spoken with Drew nor even seen a picture of him. Drew however has seen pics of Dan. (Dan I were still "dating" when Drew and I met. Dating in this case means still sleeping together even though we mutually decided we much better off as friends...apparently that was with benefits at the time.) Drew hates Dan. This hate stems from the fact that I was sleeping with them both for about 3 months until I finally decided to be with Drew. (For those of you reading thinking, "you slut" they both fully knew about eachother and neither had any issues with it, or so I thought. I came to learn differently through my relationship with Drew.) It was all a convenience thing...I was still in college and Drew was there during the week...and when Id come home every weekend to work there was Dan.

So here we are...Drew...Dan...and Me. All 3 standing on the dance floor of this awful bar in front of half of my former high school drunkly gazing at each other in bewilderment. WHATTHEFUCK? So I casually introduce the boys thinking 'ok this no big deal I'm no longer with either one no one gives a shit'. Drew was not happy this was Dan, he was not happy at all. So Drew starts begging Dan to go the parking lot to "fight". Meanwhile I decided that everything can be solved with some drinks so I try to coax the boys into letting me buy us a round of drinks. Poor Dan is trying to figure out who the hell this guy is. While all of this is going on Weasel lets everyone know that Dan and Drew are about to get into a fight and 1998-2001 are on the dance floor waiting to see what happens. Some were waiting for a fight, others were waiting for me to fall flat on my face.

Girls are talking shit about these two guys "actually fighting over (insert my name here)", guys are making bets about who will win the fight and I am on the verge of tears out of pure shock and embarassment. This was no one's fault but my own.

I created the Drew Monster. I forced him into letting me back into his head thinking that there could some day be a chance. (Revenge is only good if it does not blow up in ones face...see my E*V*I*L post.)

I instinctly wrap my arms around Drew's neck and try to lure him in the sexiest way I know how to leave the bar with me. This isnt exactly what I wanted but I didnt want there to be a fight and I sure as hell didnt want to suffer anymore embarassment. (So selfish of me, fuck the fact that two people I cared about were going to maul each other...)Well I guess when Im drunk my sexy makes me look like a retard and Drew calls me out, "You stupid bitch, go eat a cheeseburger (what? Im seriously not fat) and fuck off." WHOA?!?! Seriously? Ummmm...no, you DO NOT talk to me like that, I dont care how jealous or fucking pissed off you are. Well ladies and gentlemen, there it was, my kick to the groin and my push off my horse.

I took one look at Dan and lets just say Dan was not happy with this comment; at all. In fact, Dan was enraged. Like I said, Dan and I are still pretty close, kind of like best friends now, and he was not about to let Drew to talk to me like that. Gloves off. The fight was on.

Half the bar clears outside to watch this. I of course run after the two of them screaming like a little bitch to stop but they are immune to the sound of my voice. Drew is spitting and Dan is whipping his neck around and cracking his knuckles. People are chanting and gathering in a circle. Words start flying back and forth, "you fucking pussy". "Fight you little bitch." "Go fuck yourself." You get the point. Just then 4 squad cars pull up.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
That was the crowds reaction, not mine.

I was so relieved it was sick. Since no punches or anything else had been thrown the cops let the boys go. Drew was asked to leave and Dan went back inside. I too left the bar.

I was knocked down, but just for that night. I was right back on riding it even harder on Sat night, yes Im that big of a loser that I still feel like I have something to prove, that I am worth the time people have spent knowing me, talking about, analyzing me, loving me and hating me. No, I do not still live in the past of high school. No, I do not base my life around other people's opinions. I do however, like to pretend like I have pride (something I have secretly never had in my life). This way these people, those people, or anyone else (who doesnt read my blog) can respect me and not walk all over me like the old days. Being people's doormat was something I gave up about a year ago and have not looked back...well not really I guess.

Both boys have since called and apologized to me. And like 7 people from the bar that night have asked me to be their "myspace friend" so all was not lost...most importantly though, my fake pride is still in tact as well as my fake "dont fuck with me attitude". Because lets be honest, if you really wanted to, Id most likely let you.

Wow...what a terrible story. What a terrible moral (wait was there really one behind all this garbage? Maybe, "Revenge will bite you in the ass".) And what a terrible thing to let people know about my protection; fake pride and fake snobbery.

You would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say....

I just wanted to thank loz, db, vyv, trix and the always rad eazy for being my friends...carry on now...I have nothing to write about today...Im having the kind of day/week/lifetime that only a fuckstick deserves.

E*V*I*L

Im evil and I love it.

For those of who who read Whatthefuck(http://www.meluvulongtime.blogspot.com/) you know my reasons for not being able to stand my ex. There are a lot of more sensible and mature reasons for my severe disdain for him but I choose to not share those. Not because they are so personal just because they are cause for a lot of thought and I dont really care to waste my time. Any way, Ex got a new girlfriend and since finding out this delightful piece of information I have personally taken it upon myself to ruin their relationship.

It is not as bad as it sounds. Basically, I have implanted a tiny seed in his tiny brain that there may be a possibility at some point in our lifespan that him and I could potentially get back together. Why did I do this if I cant stand him? I have no legit reason other than he made me miserable and now its payback time. Im shallow, immature, lame...blah fucking blah blah blah. I already know it.

This girl is perfect for him too, well so he thought. She is cute and completely relies on a man (Ex) to take care of her, make her decisions for her, and derive her overall happiness from him. All the qualites my ex wants in a woman and the exact opposite of me. But, since I planted this seed of pure evil and lies he has been questioning his relationship with J and calling me non-stop. The "I still love you" messages are nauseating and the "Hey Baby youre the one for me" texts actually make me throw up a little. But for the sake of his eventual unhappiness I will play along.

For my own personal justification...
1) They have only been together for about 2 months so its not like Im breaking up a wedding here.
2) She is a little too needy for him.
3) THEY WORK TOGETHER...so the break up was coming.
4) THEY WORK TOGETHER...he is a supervisor and could lose his job over this girl.
5) He is not that bright and shouldnt waste a good opportunity like the one in front of him on this broad. (He wont get another one)
6) Her mouth and chin are weird and you can just tell that she is going to grow up to look like Blue (RIP) from Old School. (Serious about that...you know what I am talking about.) Therefore I am ultimately saving him from a life with an ugly wife and kids.
7) She brings her cat to his place when she stays the night...he hates cats...who doesnt? And she doesnt clean up the cat hair so she is a gross.
8) He is still in love with me and realizes that he does not want a girl like her.

Hmmmm...writing this all out has made me feel really guilty. I hate when this happens, fucking morals. Im going to put a stop to this immediately, I should not be playing with this guys mind like this, its just cruel and no better than what he did to me.

Damn blog. Thanks for ruining my fun.

My Sunday Afternoon...

was spent with Da Bears at Soldier Field. Unfortunately my team lost, but I still sat 5 rows off the field and had an amazing day. Who knows when I will be able to see them again in a playoff game (next year I hope) with these kind of seats especially. Just thought I'd share some pics. Im still so pumped I got to go!!! Da Bears in '06!
Awesome view. We were right next to the tunnel where the players run out.
We just kinda threw our cameras in the tunnel hoping for a good shot!
#65 looks like a badass...

And we definitely scored 2 pretty decent pics like that! Our seats were absolutely incredible.
We actually had to back up to get the whole field in our shot!
Pre-Game!

Yeah we got some hi-fives...they are free ya know!
Da Bears Da Bears Da Bears Da Bears Da Bears!
Carolina got lucky.

Better luck next year!

Im not sorry

Ive been doing a lot of thinking lately which can be pretty dangerous for a girl like me. In case no one has ever noticed, I tend to analyze, re-analyze, and then over-analyze most situations in my life. After some much needed thought though I have something serious that I really need to get off of my chest.

I am not sorry, nor will I ever be sorry, for not crying when I heard that my grandfather passed away. I am not sorry that I felt no emotion for a man who all but abandoned my family when his oldest son, my dad, passed away (my dad was 38).

I realize the harshness of what I am typing.

I realize that to most people, probably all people, this is awful.
Not to me. This is truth.

The reality of the situation is that when my dad passed away, his parents, decided to let my family...my mom and two little brothers (ages 8 and 5 at the time) go on food stamps instead of help us. (Their millions of dollars were tied up in their matching caddy's and winter home in Florida. No exaggeration there.)

This man decided that he could not pay for my 8 year old brother's baseball mit because he " had to pay for (my) father's funeral".

This alleged man decided to let me in on some deep family secrets (secrets that belonged to my mom's side of the family) at the age of 11 that I was not supposed to know yet. (Out of pure spite for my mom's parents.) These secrets were nothing dirty or dark. They could have, however, been taken waaay out of context at the age of 11 and ruined some serious relationships between me and some very important people in my life.

I realize my grandpa was hurting because he lost his son. I realize the tragedy of that situation. I also realize that he probably had a hard time looking at me and my brothers after my dad died.

But most importantly I remember the 3 little kids who were sick for a year over the loss of their dad and who never were quite the same people again. I remember 3 little kids who latched on to every man in their family because they wanted to have a man in their life. I remember 3 little kids completely rejected.

I know three young adults who have these wonderful experiences in their life only to have them made bittersweet by the loss of the most important man in their lives. Dances, Sports, Graduations, Birthdays, Holidays....

So when my grandma showed a DVD of my grandpa on Sunday Im not sorry that I wasnt sobbing. Im not sorry that I didnt shed a single tear. Im not sorry that my brother's and my mom didnt either. Im not sorry that we were the only people in the room not touched by the DVD. (I wonder if anyone even noticed that out of the cummulation of several events on the video...I wasn't present at a single one and that my mom and brothers were only present at...1? Not an accident.)

I am sorry though for my dad's mother and father for losing out on three wonderful grandchildren. For losing out on the love and affection that grandchildren have for their grandparents.

Here I go again on my own...

I have been sick lately. This Chicago Flu sucks. (I blame the city of Chicago for enticing me out on New Years Eve with a sheer top on and no jacket for the cause of my grief.) My morning phlegm ritual has been nothing but pleasant as has the daily spit-ups of blood. Those, fortunately, are starting to subside. So all in all I have been feeling like pure ca-ca and not had one extra ounce of energy to put into keeping things "fresh" with my blog. (Or my hygiene for that matter. Oh fuck you...when you're sick you'd rather lay in your bed than try to stand in a shower that cant seem to keep you warm enough.)

I need a new job. I have been looking for jobs but no one seems to want to even talk to me, let alone hire me. Im sure that means that I should change my resume but I do not know what is wrong with it so I am not quite sure how to change it. Actually, that was me trying to bullshit myself...I know exactly what it was wrong with it, but the laziness factor rules my life. I wish someone somewhere would just give me a chance based on my crappy resume. I have some awesome experience, although, it is only about 1.5 years worth of "big girl" work. People keep telling me I should try to tough it out for another year or so, but Ill be damned if I have to sit at this desk for another whole year. Id rather work retail (no offense to those of you that do that) than stay here.

I want to leave the wonderful and exciting world of HR and go back into event planning. Those two worlds though dont have a lot in common to the naked eye and therefore managers reviewing my resume may not see that I have in fact, been polishing up on my even planning skills while being here.

Plus Im super talented, creative, and cute...meaning I kick ass in the event planning world. I have planned bridal showers, baby showers, weddings, bar-freakin-mitzvahs...for total strangers who have paid me! I should probably include more of that on my resume, yet at the same time, my HR credentials are awesome too. (I started an HR dept with 5 temps and in 1 year have 80 employees. So basically, if you will, I have started this whole thing from scratch.)

Just because I rock doesnt mean Im made of stone. <---its the meds I swear.

**Sidenote: The previous paragraph was only intended to make myself feel better about my lack of experience, motivation, and heart at this point. Although all is true.**

There is a quick fix to all of this...
Ill just get my ass on a reality tv show and then the world will be at my fingertips and everyone will want me to work for them. Watch out Biggest Loser...here I come!!!!!!

Happy New Year...my ass.

I know I bitch and whine...a lot...but lately, things have sucked. So basically I am going to let you know why My New Years Eve sucked the fattest dong ever...

* The guy that invited me out spent the first 20 minutes of the night hitting on some 40 year old woman (heinous looking by the way...not a milf) before even walking over to saw hi to me. When he finally did walk over the first thing he said was, "You look stupid" because I was smoking. Happy New Year to you too Geek. Sooo pissed I wasted looking super hot on hanging out with him.

* For the remainder of the time I was at that bar I spent my time avoiding him letting foreign men entertain me and dance on me so I wouldnt have to talk to my guy. Normally this would never happen, but I wasnt about to spend my night sad or pissed.

* Yep, I went out with Twiddle-Dumb-Fucking-Selfish-Whore, my cousin. DING DING DING, I know my own fucking fault. Anyway, the bitch drinks a ton within the first 2 hours of the night...convinces me to leave the bar we are at with promises of hot guys at this next bar (her ex and his friends). OH. MY. GOD. Fucking liar. Skanky takes me to a bar where her ex is to fuck him. I dont mind that...the part I mind is...he is there ALONE. So I have to stand there by myself for about 40 minutes while they are making out and stare out the window at all the people who are having a good New Years Eve. Did I mention he was wearing a neck brace???? Oh yeah...shitstorm had a broken neck. Oh yeah...shitstorm also looks like Howard the Duck.

*So then I take a $30 cab ride to the parking garage where my car is parked, by myself. Cry in my car for 20 minutes alone and drive to my friends where I just crash on his couch.

* During all of this I decide to call my ex (stupid move)...he has a new girlfriend...so Im drunk and lonely and crying on my friends couch.

* At some point the guy I had met out at the first bar called to see where I was. I told him I was at my friends and he asked if I was "still coming over?". I told him I was on my way. He called about 30 times to see where I was for like 2 hours.

Happy New Year.

I am starting My New Year tomorrow....and things are going to be great. 2006 is going to be awesome...I just needed an extra day to grieve and be bitter for 2005.

20 Minutes...

Yeah ok wow...that was fun!

If you saw it...Im sorry.

If you didnt...consider yourself LUCKY!

Game off...for those you who think you know who this is...well...unless you saw the pic...YOULL NEVER KNOW!

See my Blogs Title.

I dislike the last week of the year. The reflective bullshit is well...bullshit. I dont want to think about how my last year could have been better or better yet, how I could have made it better. I really dont give a fuck. Overall: I ditched the boyfriend, kept a job, partied hard, got tons of ass, saved no money, gained 12 lbs, ate fast food weekly, worked out 17 times (total), went to Puerto Rico, lost an amazing friend, blew tons of money, got a new car, made a couple new friends, reacquainted with some old ones, found myspace.com, starting blogging...great year huh?

Onto some more fun stuff.

I got laid on Thursday and it was awesome. No seriously, it was awesome. I felt like a beat-up rag doll the next 2 days. Im not sure how it happened (WASTED-ness), but Ill be damed if it doesnt happen again. I have big plans with this guy for the new year. (No dating just humping.)

Here are my resolutions:
1) Humping a lot more with that guy!~
2) Drinking less
3) Finding a new job
4) Still not giving a Fuck
5) Going on vacation
6) Say "word" a lot....word.

Sorry I suck today more than usual.

***I also updated "whatthefuck" for the 2 of you that read that.***

Im loser baby.

Random Thought Day

1) I am cooler than the following:
1) A man in a fanny pack.
2) DJ Tanner
3) Busch Light
4) Snowmen Sweaters
5) Staplers

2) I am not cooler than the following:
1) Brownies
2) Boner from Growing Pains
3) A wrench
4) Highlighters
5) Any 3 of Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor's Kids

3) If I were to play dodge ball right this minute, I would really suck at it. My game would be way off today because my head would not be in it.

4) I miss the way my skin looked before the Back-ne. JUST KIDDING...ewww Back-ne. I just wanted to type Back-ne.

5) Floor hockey is a kick ass sport.

6) I love raspberries. I could eat them every single day. They are delcious and I wish I had more.

7) I want an Oompa Loompa as my best friend/pet/slave. Or a little person aka MIDGET. I would buy him a baby pool and fill it will plastic balls so he could have his own at home chuck-e-cheese style ball pit.

8) Fanny Packs look really cool on guys. NOT.

9) I wish saying NOT after everything was still rad. OOOOH Rad...I love that word too.

10) NOT! Just wanted to do it again.

11) I really enjoyed the musical stylings of WHAM. Ok fine, I just think, "wake me up before you go (g0)" was hilarious. Did they have any other songs? Those two whacky fellas dancing around so un-homo like on the stage in their pro choice shirts...whatever happend to the other guy???

12) Im kind of a big deal.

14) Why is it that every song on the radio relates to my life in one way or another? I hate that. (FU "Shake your Laffy Taffy" homies)

15) I wish Lionel Richie would write "Dancin on the Ceilin II". Seriously one of the best tunes ever!!!!

16) Yellow Starbursts are the best ones.

17) I make bad choices but have the best time making them.

18) I havent cleaned my room in like 2 months. OMG...that is so gross. I am a nasty nasty individual.

19) Hence and nor are not used enough. I love the word hence...hence it being listed as random thought 19.

20) I am really a pretty bad-ass broad. Even though I think that bajiggity is a cool word.

21) I love DMB even though it is considered "un-cool" and lame to like them. I still love them...older stuff of course.

See Previous Post's Title..

So Ive been down for a few days now trying to do the "whole sorting stuff out in my head" act and let me tell you that sorting is crap. Every time I make a nice neat pile of stuff, another zillion thoughts come racing into my head causing pure chaos and making me feel even worse than I did before.

So I decided to follow in the footsteps of my blogging buddy...eazy...and do a FUCK YOU post of my own.
***************************************************************************
1) FU - Drew for being the man I always wanted you and needed you to be...AFTER we broke up.

2) FU - S for being a liar about some situations in your life that have caused me to question you as a friend and as a person in general. I pretend to your face that Im on "your side" when in reality I know you have lied about worse...so whatthefuck? FU FU FU.. for not allowing me to trust you.

3) FU - Chocolate for being so damn delicious.

4) FU - Holidays for just sucking the life out of me and forcing me to care about people that right now I want to despise.

5) FU - Milk. I just hate milk.

6) FU - **** BFF for making me think you were not only my friend, but someone I could trust. FU too for doing what you did with me RIGHT THERE. FU FU FU FU. FU for making me like/not like/like/not like you...what should I do now because obviously that pattern doesnt seem to be working???

7) FU - McDonalds for serving up such a delicious breakfast.

8) FU - Govn't for not allowing McDonalds to serve breakfast all day long for fear of McDonalds taking over the world with their deliciousness (yeah I know your conspiracy).

9) FU- Chicago Bears for sucking so bad on Sunday and bringing sadness to those of us who love you. :(

10) FU - Clock for only being 4:00.

11) FU - Myspace for taking up infinite amounts of my time and forcing me to become a myspace head.

12) FU - Snow and salt for fucking up the bottom of all my work pants.

14) FU - 13 for being an unlucky number.

15) FU - Booze...no wait...I Love you.

16) FU - Bozo for freaking me out in the mornings when I was a little kid.

17) FU - Arizona for being hot all year long.

18) FU - Tail light for being broken after I knocked you into a garbage can, costing me $200

19) FU - To people who laugh at people less fortuante and treating them as if you are better than them. I really despise you.

20) FU - to me for being stupid and silly and writing pure crap.

21) FU- D. You made me want to be with you and now you are taking it away. FU for being smart.

F*ck me? No, F*ck You.

Im struggling right now with believing that people are generally good.

Bold statement.

(Even bolder that I actually admitted I believe that people are generally good. Wow that statement looks stupid all typed out too.)

Im naive. I pretend to be tough, and street smart (not hood smart) and act like things dont affect me, or like I dont care. The worst part is...I care more than just about anybody usually. I wear my heart on my sleeve and those who really know me know that about me. I guess that would be why people are constantly walking on me. I pretend like I dont realize it and just ignore the fact that they are because somewhere in my warped thinking I rationalize their behavior. "They dont know they are hurting me because I didnt tell them they were, so its really not their fault."

This kind of thinking has fucked me my whole life. I thought as I got older it would get better, people wouldnt be so cruel and self righteous. But as usual my thinking was wrong. Unfortuantely now the situations are more serious and although I speak up a little, I still manage to get hurt and let down regularly. I do not know how to fix it. Ok fine, I do, but I am not sure how to allow myself to speak up.

In my own defense, I have gotten rid of several of these people in life by just cutting them out (and avoiding the situation completely...Im a total vagina like that), but sometimes, there are people who, for whatever reason, I cannot get rid of due to circumstance. I do not know how to approach this situation. I feel like if I just ignore it I appear stupid and not weak and if I approach it I will appear weak because all I do is cry. (This has happened every single time I have tried to speak up for myself.)

Im hurting today. For nothing I did. I want to make it stop, but I cant. Im lost as to how to deal...I just needed to vent.